The New Year has seen me making many a change in my Second LIfe. I closed my club, !Exodus! Rock Club to focus on blogging and my job at MadPea. !Exodus! had long been one of my safety zones online. Because it was mine I could go there alone at any time and know people and feel comfortable. I could be myself with no one to answer to.
Just like you have eyelashes to protect your eyes from minute dangers, I have walls. I have literal walls, like the ones on my SL house (more on that to come shortly) but I have emotional walls and while they might not be high, they are thick. They have to be. I’ve talked before about how I can’t enter into a friendship, or a relationship of any kind, without trust. The downside of that is when the rug is pulled from under you it stings as hard as someone slapping you round the face in the cold air. The really stupid thing is when it happens, and because I don’t like confrontation, I usually just smile and apologise for existing. Then I go off and beat myself up over and over again because I can make any personal situation my fault in my head regardless of how little my actions contributed. The thing I beat myself up the most about…lowering the wall. It’s there for a reason and I tell myself over and over that I should remember that. There is nothing quite as heart-breaking as letting someone in, even just a little, and realising it was a foolish move and whether you find that out after a day or a month or a year it still smarts.
I know these things about myself. It’s my process…I own it. It’s not right, it hurts and it’s painful but all the conditioning I’ve had from childhood through adulthood results in this process and it’s unlikely to change now.
That’s when my SL home comes into it’s own. The safety and security of my own space. I spent hours today while berating myself for a personal foolishness shopping for nick-nacks for my sanctuary. I got a great headstart from unKindness at faMESHed this month with the perfect Rose Hill Country Set. faMESHed is super great this month for home decor and I picked up the Ariskea Nordica Hybrid Roses while I was there to finish off my comfy shabby lounge.
Credits:
Porch Picture:
Scarlet Creative Tree Tops
Cheeky Pea – Southern Porch Rocking Chair
:HAIKEI: look through the window gacha
[Brixley] porch rules sign
{vespertine} – vintage postbox/poppy red
Entrance Picture:
MadPea Writer’s Corner – Remember Me Frame
unKindness – Rose Hill Craft Box White **NEW** at faMESHed
floorplan. rotary phone- floral – RARE
[ keke ] candelabra – star
*ionic* Rustic table
.:revival:. ottoman
Second Spaces 33 1/3 rpm set
.:revival:. linen rug
Ex-Machina – Vulcano fireplace
8f8 – Primavera in Toscana Bucket of Roses
dust bunny . camellia couch
unKindness – Rose Hill Cabinet White **NEW** at faMESHed
[Brixley] Chocolate = Happiness
{Reverie} ‘California Kicks’ – Driftwood Heart
Lounge Picture 2:
Cheeky Pea Lovely Print – Winged Cupid
Ariskea [Nordica] Hybrid Roses Violet **NEW** at faMESHed
Kalopsia – Round Boxes **NEW** at faMESHed
dust bunny . camellia stool
junk. abstract canvas. floor.
tarte. old floor lamp (silver)
.:revival:. sisal rug
[Brixley] Chocolate is the Answer
the glamour sauce 