I had a very odd day yesterday. Odd in the sense that I felt completely unsettled in both SL and RL and I think there were a number of factors that contributed to that. There are changes afoot in my RL workplace and while they are quite exciting changes for me personally AND I’m generally quite open to change and especially continuous improvement, I know that some of the other people I work with aren’t so positive in their outlook. I’ve said before that I don’t suffer fools very gladly but I also don’t suffer negative people very gladly either. I find their moaning and griping has a distinct effect on my mood no matter how much I try to shrug it off.  That said, when I leave the office I can usually leave those feelings there too. Yesterday was different for some reason.

Was that because of the headache or the cause of the headache? I’m not sure. Cause and effect is something I’ve been thinking about for a couple of days anyway. I don’t sleep enough therefore I’m tired a lot…cause and effect. I probably take on too much responsibility in certain aspects of my life and therefore I can get a little stressed sometimes…cause and effect. There are many more that go a lot deeper, those are just the obvious surface ones.

I was an only child for 7 years. During that time my parents struggled with their marriage resulting in affairs, temporary separations, lots of arguments, that I thankfully don’t remember, and then the decision to ‘make-a-go’ of things and have another child. The ‘let’s save the marriage’ child. I’m not sure if it was because I reminded them so much of the struggles and the bad times in the marriage but when my sister was born it was as if I no longer existed. I felt like a nuisance like I was sort of in the way and on the fringes of their happy ‘second chance’ family. My sister was the wonder child that had brought them back together again and I was the reminder of when it didn’t work. Least that’s how I felt and still do. That experience has left me with some amazing qualities to my personality that I’m very proud of. I can be incredibly resilient, I’m no perfect but I was better parent to my own children for that experience, I have a really strong work ethic because I realised that I could get praised by other people for working hard even if my parents didn’t do it at a very early age. I’ve always been far more motivated in the workplace by recognition than by money or benefits.

Of course, it has also left me with some negatives like a fear of rejection that manifests itself in many forms. I have always had a feeling of never really being good enough for other people, no matter how hard I try, or how often people reassure me. These are things I want to delve into more but that will have to be for another day.

It’s Friday…the 13th and though the picture doesn’t have much to do with the content of the post today on the face of it there is a meaning behind it.

Credits:

Head – Catwa – Destiny

Skin – The Skinnery Maitreya applier and Maddie Head applier

Hands – Vista – Bento Prohands

Ears – Mandala – Steking Ears

Eyes – IKON – Triumph Eyes

Eyelashes – Izzie’s – Catwa – Applier Natural Lashes

Piercings – Swallow – Bollywood Septum Ring RARE

Hair – Stealthic – Erratic

Lingerie – Erratic – Cecilia Lingerie Set

Pasties – Erratic – Crystal Pasties

Pose – Bauhaus Movement 

Decor – unKindness – uk – Neon Stud Angel & Devil **NEW** at TMD