I had a huge crash yesterday. Not in SL but personally. I think it was a combination of the highs of the Christmas period and ‘coming down’ from the combination of stress, excitement and fun along with a few things not going my way that let to an almighty downer which manifested itself as a massive crash of confidence in myself. I reacted to this by writing something on facebook about it and of course, although it wasn’t my intention, lept to my aid with IM’s and comments to gee me up a bit.
One of the comments came from one of my closest friends and surprised me the most. She said that it was normal for people to have these downers but what surprised most people was to see me having one. That comment has played on my mind a fair bit over the last 24 hours and reminded me of something another friend once said about me several years ago. See, the thing is, I don’t consider myself to be a particularly confident person anyway and what confidence I do have is quite fragile and can be easily undermined at times.
I do consider myself to be extremely adept at pretending to be confident and that’s something that came from childhood. As an overweight child with personal issues at home I soon worked out at school not to show any weakness. I became the class clown managing to balance keeping other children onside by making them laugh and teachers and my parents on side by doing reasonably well academically but ensuring I never excelled at any one thing because that would mean putting my head over the parapet. I spent my entire childhood and teenage years petrified someone would see through the facade and I would be ‘found out’ and that’s a feeling I have carried with me throughout my adult life too.
When everyone thinks you have your shit completely together, at all times, it makes it so much harder to ask for help when you don’t because you have spent your whole life convincing people you’re invincible. You wear that like a suit of armour and it’s protected you well and letting people see a chink in that armour is sometimes the hardest thing to do. After all, if we weren’t breakable and human underneath it we wouldn’t need the armour in the first place would we?
Head – Catwa – Destiny
Skin – The Skinnery Maitreya applier and Maddie Head applier
Hands – Vista – Bento
Eyes – IKON – Triumph Eyes
Eyelashes – Izzie’s – Catwa – Applier Natural Lashes
Piercings – Swallow – Bollywood Septum Ring RARE
*Hair – Wasabi Pills – Nyssa **NEW** at Uber
Top – Miss Chelsea – Tara Tank
Pants – Miss Chelsea – Ever Pants
*Glasses – MINIMAL – Zell Glasses **NEW** at Shiny Shabby
Pose – Bauhaus Movement
Location – The Summer Trace