Girl, Put Your Records On

Many of you that have followed my blog for many years will know that I used to talk a lot more in the blog about my thoughts, feelings, how my day had gone etc etc.  I stopped doing that so much a while ago for personal reasons and because content I was writing on that posts would sometimes cause conflict in my SL. I have really missed being more open and, most importantly, I’ve realised that there is a cathartic value in my writing. It has always been a way for me to process, sort my thoughts and rationalize how I am feeling.

About 4 or so years ago I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and placed on an anti-depressants. It came as a huge shock to me because I didn’t think I was either anxious or depressed. In fact I thought I had a dodgy ticker because I kept having heart palpitations and that’s why I went to the Doctor. I bowled into her office, my usual happy smiley self, sat down and when she said “How are you today?” I burst into tears…and I cried and cried for the best part of 20 minutes I couldn’t get a word out. Even when I could I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t gone there for that. I had no idea where it was coming from. Long story short, I have since come to realise the indications of my anxiety. How my breathing becomes shallow and I realise I haven’t taken a deep breath for days. The heart palpitations start again. I get fidgety and nervous, clammy and edgy. I feel like something so bad is going to happen that the world is about to end as I know it. All of these I have experienced over the last few weeks, but I am starting to turn a corner…I have a lot of good things going on in both lives and that helps to keep me grounded.

I know that talking helps but I don’t find it easy to talk or ask for help even from my closest friends. So writing helps instead. This is my outlet and my way of expressing myself and I need it.